Some days you should just roll over and not get out of bed. You know it’s one of those day when you piss on the cat.
So we have this new kitten.. it’s turning into a wild thing.. it scampers and runs everywhere.. attacks everything and wants to know what your doing all the time ( as well as participate in what your doing).
As a guy I have sort of got my morning ritual down… and one of the early things in that ritual, even before clothes, is to sleeply go and stand in front of the commode and take a much needed and long piss. ( for those of you offended by piss i thought of saying urinate but it just doesn’t cover the feeling you get when you take that first long piss in the morning. So you will have to live with piss) So back to the moment… my bladder is just crying with relief as I start to piss. All of a sudden I hear a galloping sound.. We have raised wood floors that really let you hear a kitten gallop. It’s impressive. It sounds more like a herd of kittens.
So the kitten hears me pissing and goes into overdrive ..hollering “Hey! Whatcha Doing! funny naked human” while running at light speed to see . She arrives at such speed that she jumps for where the closed lid of the toilet normally is instead of running headlong into the base of the toilet at speed. The only problem is that I’m pissing and the lid isn’t closed. You know how you sometimes see what is comming ahead of time but can’t do anything about it.. it’s sorta like one of those nightmares where you run and run and run and just run too slow. I see the kitten running and just know she is going to jump and I’m trying and trying and trying in that fraction of a second that seems to lasts for hours to stop pissing, but it isn’t happening.. My bladder is now in control and its going “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!” while im going “NO NO NO oh shit!!”. About this time one small very interested kitten hits the lip of the toilet bowl.. still at full speed… and realizes “oh shit the lid isn’t there!!!” for one fraction of second you see her trying to stop all that momentum.. unsucessfully I might add.. !!!!splash!!!! dead in the center of the toilet looking up at me in shock and dismay is a now wet and being pissed on kitten. My bladder finaly listened to me when the sound of piss hitting the water went away. Pissing on a kitten just doesn’t have the same sound. I now know this for a fact.
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